Obligations and Expectations

At around 2 am this morning, I received a text message from a fellow acquaintance of mine. “Great,” I thought to myself. My dreaded insomnia had come back in full swing and just when I thought my body had finally over powered my mind, this happens. Did I expect anything remarkable to come from this conversation? Not exactly. It was late and the last time I heard from this person was 2 weeks ago. Still, being that I was already woken up and my phone would just keep flashing in my face (being that it is never more than a few feet away from arm’s reach) if I didn’t tend to it. “This better be good,” I remember grumbling to myself. For the sake of privacy I guess, we are going to rename this person as Ares. The conversation read as follows:

Ares: Yo

C: Yea?

Ares: Wat u up to

C: Why?

Ares: Just asking

C: At 2 am…

Ares: Sheesh nvm lol

I hate when someone brings up something, but then says never mind. Personal pet peeve of mine that drives me so far up the wall.

C: Ares, cut the bull and tell me what it is that you want

Ares: Nada just a random hit up 

C: Again, at 2 am…Nobody hit anyone up at 2 am just to say hi

Ares: Well, I’m a different breed I guess

C:…and I’m Linkle. Now state your business 

Ares: Just beating off to ur soles [mainly the thought of them since he doesn’t have a picture of them] sheesh woman lol

This annoys me even more. I don’t mind people with foot fetishes (whatever gets you off is your business as long as it’s legal), but I do mind when people (who aren’t in a relationship with me) hit me up wanting sexual favors from me expecting to deliver  simply because they asked.

C: I knew it…

Ares: *shrugs*

C: *sigh* Boys always want something, but can never do anything for you. Find a porn site. Goodnight

Ares: Lol I guess…lol still mad about the pizza thing?

During our last conversation, I had asked him to buy me pizza, jokingly, since all the places on campus were closing due to the Thanksgiving break coming up. I didn’t have much money in my account at the time, but I assured him that I will pay him back. He was going to, but he didn’t have enough in his account. He had apologized for not being able to help. I told him it was no big deal. He then asked me for pictures of my feet as “early payment for the next time I decided to get hungry.” I told him to shove it and haven’t said spoken to him since. Not because I didn’t get the pizza though.

C: No, I’m annoyed that boys like you want something from me and expect me to just hand it to you for free

Ares: Nah, not at all. I ain’t ask for anything… Not yet anyway. 

C: So then why bug me at 2 am? You could have hit me up at any given hour before that. Save me the bull

Ares: Iight. So maybe later then?

After that, I put my phone on airplane mode.

It’s a shame how common this has become in my life. Men, both from the past and the present,  sometimes decide to come back briefly only to try to get a taste. Each one having a different approach, but the same goal. They also have a grand sense of entitlement. So that we are clear, I am not tied to anyone. I am free to do whatever I want. Cause I’m a free b*tch baby! However, that doesn’t mean that my goods are up for grabs (despite what many choose to believe). When I try to drive this fact through their thick skulls, I’m greeted with anger. Their expectations have not been met and apparently that qualifies me for punishment. Phrases such as,“Why are acting like that?”, “You have nothing new for me? I know you’re lonely” or “You’ve done it before when I asked you” slip from their lips whenever I tell them no. The last statement is my personal favorite. There are those who feel that because they are skillful in bed, well endowed and/or know how to please me, they are able to ask for such favors from me. The smart ones tend to realize that this doesn’t always work with me. Unfortunately, this leads to asserting to other ways to demand my attention. Sometimes its continuous phone calls and sometimes it’s even passive aggressive Snap-Chats directed at me for “not checking up on them”.

An ex-boyfriend of mine once hit me accusing me of using him. I had asked him for advice one day. We discussed my problem and he gave his two cents about the situation, which I was very happy with. I was happy that he took the time to help me until I got this text (for the sake of privacy, let’s call him…Helios)

Helios: So you hit me up for this?

C: Why did you say it like that? What is that suppose to mean?

Helios: You don’t check up on me and you only text me when you want something….

Helios was the one who ended our relationship years ago stating that I wasn’t what he wanted anymore. Typically, when someone breakups with me, I tend to no longer see them as a priority. Reaching out to them becomes less of a need.

C: I’m sorry? The last time you checked up on me was when? The last thing you asked me for was what again?

Helios: When you asked me for help for another situation

C: When you broke up with me, did you ever make it clear that you wanted to keep up or even set up a friendship with me? Not to mention, the last time you checked up on me was when you asked me for my booty [a picture mainly since he’s in another part of the country in school]. Is that your definition of “checking in?”

Helios: And any other time I asked you how you were. You refused to talk because you claim you were busy. And again, I asked how you were.

C: It’s not my fault you had poor timing. Now answer my first question.

Helios: [referring to the first question] I’m talking to you aren’t I?

C: Just because we are talking doesn’t mean we are friends.

Helios: Hmm….

C: I don’t remember us establishing a friendship together and until that happens, you and me are just ex’s Helios. Sure, we are cool. I have no bad blood against you. But I have no moral obligation to speak to you when you feel I should. Nor am I obligated to give you what you want. That all left when you broke up with me.

Helios: Oh you don’t? Okay then.

Now that doesn’t seem like much, but he meant that in a very condescending way.

Some men will tend to also use love. They will use sweet words or beautiful memories from our hey day to state their demands for my time. Even they seem to forget that those times are over and I have moved on. You can love me till your face turns blue, but that doesn’t mean I belong to you. Only I can make that claim.

It’s because of moments like these that make me want to stay single. Mainly because I don’t like dealing with these expectations and obligations. Most people would argue that I can avoid them by finding different men to date, but it’s not always that easy. Today’s modern man expect a girl to show off her goods (or at least advertise them)  on any given social media platform, make the first move and be continuously interesting. Personally, I don’t mind making the first move. Nothing wrong with saying ‘Hi’ to someone and sparking up a conversation. But, I’m not obligated to  keep talking to you if I’m no longer interested. Also, why would show off everything I got to the public? Every heard of leaving something to the imagination. “But I want to see what I’m working with.” I’m sorry? So my body shape changes how you see me? Did my intelligence go up simply because you noticed the size of the lumbering fat hanging on my chest? I am not obligated to present my goods to just anyone, especially some stranger who just wants to bang me for a few nights. Not to mention, I am not your clown or your personal show girl. I’m not here for your entertainment. I’m not saying I won’t make some kind of impression, but I will do it in my own way.

My mind, my body and my time all become available to friends and loved ones. Depending on my feelings, determines how much that person receives of each. It takes a lot to qualify for such access and I tend to loss interest quickly now a days. Call me a heart-breaker or a b*tch if you like. No one owes me anything, so why would I owe anything to anyone?

Obligations and Expectations | Genvia

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One thought on “Obligations and Expectations

  1. True be spoken you don’t and this coming from a man that dont ask for much. But i can see where your mind frame is with men and them just want to get your “goods.” To agree with you most men can’t appercite a good woman when they have one and know how to a good woman occppied with her time. I’ll expalin, if you have her in best interest you will do some crazy shit and damn near anything to make sure she is not bored of your comapny and also know when to back off and create that miss factor. But all of that comes from balancing out and getting to know you mentally. And you don’t owe no one nothing.

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