It used to bother me to be the other woman for someone. To become the object of someone’s sexual desire. Not to say it didn’t used to boost my ego. I used to get a high hearing how sexy I was. How someone couldn’t get enough of my body and aura. The thrill of seeing their eyes high off lust. It was amazing. I didn’t always see myself as attractive, but their comments would bring out this other person who just knew her worth. The comments are all the same now. They hold little to no meaning.
“Oh god you’re so hot” ,”You’re so sexy”, “There’s so many things I wish I could do to you”, “I want you”, “I need you”…
They all seem to blend together now. Sex seems so dull now. It feels like I have to put myself in this certain mindset to be that sensation they are craving at the time. Years ago, I used to pop something and numb out all the bad vibes to get there. My mind has advanced so much that I can do it with a simple memory.
Most bodies becomes yours. It’s your hands, tongue, stroke, taste, and smell. Not right away of course. I’m there with them at the beginning. I don’t know when I slip and see your face. The setting is the same but your ghost has claimed them. When I fight it, the passion dies and I just fake it until the moment is over. When I allow it, its bitter sweet. I’m careful enough not to say your name.
I feel like I’m so easy when it comes to this matter. I’m not a slut, but I keep my relations with as little complications as possible. Keep all enouters accountable and clear. Be ready when they need me to be. Feed your desires when it matches theirs. Stay clean. Stay healthy. Safe, Sane, Consensual.
It’s almost like a numbing factor. Everyone has their vices. Mine just happens to be another person. I don’t over indulge, but I take enough to keep the edge off. I’m too busy being yours to belong to another.
It’s probably time for a dose…